Headaches from withdrawal are starting to fade and I'm starting to finally be in a good mood again.
I have random bursts of energy which is...awesome. Anxiety has been not so bad :D.
Having hope that soon I will really be doing better. Been doing low fat raw for breakfast for now and keeping it vegan. Lunches seem complicated though. I think I may need to have two lunches during work. I mean break my lunch in half and have two smaller meals. I'm going to try that out...
So exciting to be feeling this good without caffeine!
~Amber
PS. Found an awesome song. It's about taking control, kind of goes with pushing yourself to do what's best. Mind over matter!
Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts
Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts
Friday, March 30, 2012
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Heightened Sense of Smell...
Yesterday I woke up from not sleeping. Yes...the night before last, I laid in bed with my eyes closed all night. So yesterday getting to work was a miracle, but I made it. I had a heightened sense of smell. That is not a sense you want heightened! UGH. Every room had it's own smell...or more than one. I mostly smelled chemicals and sick people....
Well, because I couldn't sleep...I decided to not have my energy drinks anymore. Which means the want to stay on the diet was not easy. I'm all over the place but at least this time I understand what is happening. I am excited to be off the energy drink. After I am done with withdrawal, I can let my body heal. I also feel like the best way for me to do this is to take baby steps. (If I am doing it alone...)
I am glad that my whole want for good health hasn't left me like last time. I feel like last time I blamed the diet instead of the energy drink and it was totally the other way around. Everyone has to start somewhere and I am going to start with eating more and more raw and less and less cooked. I'm also going to try to not have meat and dairy. It's not hard at home...but those days that you go out OR the times that you stupidly forget to bring lunch...it's harder to eat vegan. I found something vegan at taco bell that I like though.
If only I could have a raw chef...ahaha. Low Fat Raw Chef....bringing me what I need throughout the day, buying all the food I need at the right times so I always have ripe fruit around XD.
Too bad too bad.
After doing 100% raw, having a little bit of cooked lately....I have just a nasty aftertaste in my mouth. I love how when only eating raw, your mouth is always just clean and your teeth are smooth... :D
So withdrawal sucks...just saying. Migraine after migraine...not much energy MEH
Tirtle is whining to go outside so I better go...
Well, because I couldn't sleep...I decided to not have my energy drinks anymore. Which means the want to stay on the diet was not easy. I'm all over the place but at least this time I understand what is happening. I am excited to be off the energy drink. After I am done with withdrawal, I can let my body heal. I also feel like the best way for me to do this is to take baby steps. (If I am doing it alone...)
I am glad that my whole want for good health hasn't left me like last time. I feel like last time I blamed the diet instead of the energy drink and it was totally the other way around. Everyone has to start somewhere and I am going to start with eating more and more raw and less and less cooked. I'm also going to try to not have meat and dairy. It's not hard at home...but those days that you go out OR the times that you stupidly forget to bring lunch...it's harder to eat vegan. I found something vegan at taco bell that I like though.
If only I could have a raw chef...ahaha. Low Fat Raw Chef....bringing me what I need throughout the day, buying all the food I need at the right times so I always have ripe fruit around XD.
Too bad too bad.
After doing 100% raw, having a little bit of cooked lately....I have just a nasty aftertaste in my mouth. I love how when only eating raw, your mouth is always just clean and your teeth are smooth... :D
So withdrawal sucks...just saying. Migraine after migraine...not much energy MEH
Tirtle is whining to go outside so I better go...
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Down to 1
So the journey started with my mom, sis, and I....but they quit yesterday. I guess it's time to change the description of my blog lol.
My stomach dropped when they were telling me they weren't going to do it anymore. All the bad memories of doing this alone in the past washed over me. Remembering how I would come home to the smell of cooked dinners that would tempt me to death.
It was so awesome having them on the diet...we ate together as a family...ish. My dad wasn't doing the diet, so he would eat with us sometimes and then go and find something else to munch on. (Let's just say he ate a LOT of peanut butter and cracker sandwiches....little guy!) But for the most part I had family to eat with and that is something I am going to miss. I know that maybe one day I will be so strong that I will be able to eat with them even if they are eating steak lol. Right now I could because I still have no appetite, but I TELL YOU WHAT, I am scared for when my cravings kick in and I have no one to stand by.
I am doing this for me though, so I don't want to give up.
Tirtle (my chihuahua), likes fruits and veggies AND she is so adorable, so at least she can motivate me MAYBES? lol
This weekend is so gloomy in MD. I am craving sunlight...It was 80 sum degrees on friday, then it was rainy and still rainly and depressing lol. My brother moved to hawaii...I wish I could have gone with him.
OKAY *slaps own face* NO MORE MOPING!
I am happy that I didn't give up.
I am happy I have money to buy healthy fruits and veggies.
I am glad God can lend me strength to do amazing things.
I am glad He has given me the strength to hold on to what is right.
I am glad I am moving forward.
I am excited the trees are budding.
I am excited to start a new life in health and happiness.
And I am willing to go through the hard times to get there.
My stomach dropped when they were telling me they weren't going to do it anymore. All the bad memories of doing this alone in the past washed over me. Remembering how I would come home to the smell of cooked dinners that would tempt me to death.
It was so awesome having them on the diet...we ate together as a family...ish. My dad wasn't doing the diet, so he would eat with us sometimes and then go and find something else to munch on. (Let's just say he ate a LOT of peanut butter and cracker sandwiches....little guy!) But for the most part I had family to eat with and that is something I am going to miss. I know that maybe one day I will be so strong that I will be able to eat with them even if they are eating steak lol. Right now I could because I still have no appetite, but I TELL YOU WHAT, I am scared for when my cravings kick in and I have no one to stand by.
I am doing this for me though, so I don't want to give up.
Tirtle (my chihuahua), likes fruits and veggies AND she is so adorable, so at least she can motivate me MAYBES? lol
This weekend is so gloomy in MD. I am craving sunlight...It was 80 sum degrees on friday, then it was rainy and still rainly and depressing lol. My brother moved to hawaii...I wish I could have gone with him.
OKAY *slaps own face* NO MORE MOPING!
I am happy that I didn't give up.
I am happy I have money to buy healthy fruits and veggies.
I am glad God can lend me strength to do amazing things.
I am glad He has given me the strength to hold on to what is right.
I am glad I am moving forward.
I am excited the trees are budding.
I am excited to start a new life in health and happiness.
And I am willing to go through the hard times to get there.
Friday, March 23, 2012
Amber: Day 6
The last two days have been weird.
Yesterday I was still sick with a cold type thing and had no appetite.
Today I felt alright. I had a good amount of energy and no appetite.
I like not having an appetite, because then I am not craving. At work they got pizza for everyone and normally I would be eating a LOT of pizza. I smelled it though and instead of being tempted with cravings, my mind was thinking about how pizza is horrible for you. I sat there next to everyone who was eating pizza...with my watermelon. It was awesome. Last time I tried 811...I craved so bad, so it's really an awesome feeling to be content and not have this emotional connection with food. I just eat when I'm hungry. When I say I have no appetite, I don't mean I don't get hungry. I do. My body has hunger pains but I just don't have a desire to eat. So when I start eating, I do enjoy the food I am eating, I just don't dig into it from the start like a crazy zombie...
Tonight has been hard. There is something I forgot to mention earlier and I should definitely bring it up. I am addicted to caffeine. I drink a 5-hour energy drink everyday. Half in the morning and half at noon. It takes away my depression and get's me going and it also gives me a lot of B12. I can't stand them though. I mean...I drink them to get rid of my depression but I also suffer from anxiety. The drink helps my depression but they make my anxiety SO BAD!! I know that I won't need to drink them anymore soon but last time I got off of them was right before I gave up on 811 before. I feel like with them I want to do what is right and get healthy, but when I got off of them I just got depressed and wanted to quit and not do anything. Well today and yesterday I drank only half of the energy drink in the morning and I am okay...so I am on them "less" which is good, but my sister got off of hers cold turkey. And guess what...she is thinking about giving up on 811 (she is not sure what to do). Which is depressing me :(. I hope that she will write about it herself, and I hope that she doesn't give up...but I am scared. I just don't want to see her in a bad state of mind again. I know 811 will cure our issues, and I want us to be happy together.
We always have these fun ideas to do together, but we are usually so tired all the time or not in a good mood. SICK OF IT. I am glad that I am starting to feel better though. I hope that I can be a good encouragement to my sister.
I need to exercise...I have been afraid to exercise because I can't eat enough yet, but then I was thinking...if I exercise, maybe it will help me eat more? As long as it won't make me lose weight though. That would be bad!
~Amber
Yesterday I was still sick with a cold type thing and had no appetite.
Today I felt alright. I had a good amount of energy and no appetite.
I like not having an appetite, because then I am not craving. At work they got pizza for everyone and normally I would be eating a LOT of pizza. I smelled it though and instead of being tempted with cravings, my mind was thinking about how pizza is horrible for you. I sat there next to everyone who was eating pizza...with my watermelon. It was awesome. Last time I tried 811...I craved so bad, so it's really an awesome feeling to be content and not have this emotional connection with food. I just eat when I'm hungry. When I say I have no appetite, I don't mean I don't get hungry. I do. My body has hunger pains but I just don't have a desire to eat. So when I start eating, I do enjoy the food I am eating, I just don't dig into it from the start like a crazy zombie...
Tonight has been hard. There is something I forgot to mention earlier and I should definitely bring it up. I am addicted to caffeine. I drink a 5-hour energy drink everyday. Half in the morning and half at noon. It takes away my depression and get's me going and it also gives me a lot of B12. I can't stand them though. I mean...I drink them to get rid of my depression but I also suffer from anxiety. The drink helps my depression but they make my anxiety SO BAD!! I know that I won't need to drink them anymore soon but last time I got off of them was right before I gave up on 811 before. I feel like with them I want to do what is right and get healthy, but when I got off of them I just got depressed and wanted to quit and not do anything. Well today and yesterday I drank only half of the energy drink in the morning and I am okay...so I am on them "less" which is good, but my sister got off of hers cold turkey. And guess what...she is thinking about giving up on 811 (she is not sure what to do). Which is depressing me :(. I hope that she will write about it herself, and I hope that she doesn't give up...but I am scared. I just don't want to see her in a bad state of mind again. I know 811 will cure our issues, and I want us to be happy together.
We always have these fun ideas to do together, but we are usually so tired all the time or not in a good mood. SICK OF IT. I am glad that I am starting to feel better though. I hope that I can be a good encouragement to my sister.
I need to exercise...I have been afraid to exercise because I can't eat enough yet, but then I was thinking...if I exercise, maybe it will help me eat more? As long as it won't make me lose weight though. That would be bad!
~Amber
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