Light

Headaches from withdrawal are starting to fade and I'm starting to finally be in a good mood again.
I have random bursts of energy which is...awesome. Anxiety has been not so bad :D.
Having hope that soon I will really be doing better. Been doing low fat raw for breakfast for now and keeping it vegan.  Lunches seem complicated though. I think I may need to have two lunches during work. I mean break my lunch in half and have two smaller meals. I'm going to try that out...

So exciting to be feeling this good without caffeine!

~Amber

PS. Found an awesome song. It's about taking control, kind of goes with pushing yourself to do what's best. Mind over matter!

Heightened Sense of Smell...

Yesterday I woke up from not sleeping. Yes...the night before last, I laid in bed with my eyes closed all night. So yesterday getting to work was a miracle, but I made it. I had a heightened sense of smell. That is not a sense you want heightened! UGH. Every room had it's own smell...or more than one. I mostly smelled chemicals and sick people....

Well, because I couldn't sleep...I decided to not have my energy drinks anymore. Which means the want to stay on the diet was not easy. I'm all over the place but at least this time I understand what is happening. I am excited to be off the energy drink. After I am done with withdrawal, I can let my body heal. I also feel like the best way for me to do this is to take baby steps. (If I am doing it alone...)

I am glad that my whole want for good health hasn't left me like last time. I feel like last time I blamed the diet instead of the energy drink and it was totally the other way around. Everyone has to start somewhere and I am going to start with eating more and more raw and less and less cooked. I'm also going to try to not have meat and dairy. It's not hard at home...but those days that you go out OR the times that you stupidly forget to bring lunch...it's harder to eat vegan. I found something vegan at taco bell that I like though.

If only I could have a raw chef...ahaha. Low Fat Raw Chef....bringing me what I need throughout the day, buying all the food I need at the right times so I always have ripe fruit around XD.

Too bad too bad.

After doing 100% raw, having a little bit of cooked lately....I have just a nasty aftertaste in my mouth. I love how when only eating raw, your mouth is always just clean and your teeth are smooth...  :D

So withdrawal sucks...just saying. Migraine after migraine...not much energy MEH

Tirtle is whining to go outside so I better go...

Down to 1

So the journey started with my mom, sis, and I....but they quit yesterday. I guess it's time to change the description of my blog lol.

My stomach dropped when they were telling me they weren't going to do it anymore. All the bad memories of doing this alone in the past washed over me. Remembering how I would come home to the smell of cooked dinners that would tempt me to death.

It was so awesome having them on the diet...we ate together as a family...ish. My dad wasn't doing the diet, so he would eat with us sometimes and then go and find something else to munch on. (Let's just say he ate a LOT of peanut butter and cracker sandwiches....little guy!) But for the most part I had family to eat with and that is something I am going to miss. I know that maybe one day I will be so strong that I will be able to eat with them even if they are eating steak lol. Right now I could because I still have no appetite, but I TELL YOU WHAT, I am scared for when my cravings kick in and I have no one to stand by.

I am doing this for me though, so I don't want to give up.

Tirtle (my chihuahua), likes fruits and veggies AND she is so adorable, so at least she can motivate me MAYBES? lol

This weekend is so gloomy in MD. I am craving sunlight...It was 80 sum degrees on friday, then it was rainy and still rainly and depressing lol. My brother moved to hawaii...I wish I could have gone with him.

OKAY *slaps own face* NO MORE MOPING!

I am happy that I didn't give up.
I am happy I have money to buy healthy fruits and veggies.
I am glad God can lend me strength to do amazing things.
I am glad He has given me the strength to hold on to what is right.
I am glad I am moving forward.
I am excited the trees are budding.
I am excited to start a new life in health and happiness.
And I am willing to go through the hard times to get there.

pretty miserable

what day is this? I'm having a hard time using my brain to think today.

Last night I actually slept pretty good. The nights before that I just felt so overstimulated and if I did fall asleep I would keep dreaming about getting enough calories. My dog at least is sleeping good .. his dreams make him wag his tail.. lucky! lol

Since starting 80/10/10 it seems that this diet/lifestyle is all i think about and i feel like im going crazy. I'm not hungry, but i'm way under on calories. Then when i force myself to eat I feel shitty and have to sit down for a while. I haven't really gotten out of the house which im sure makes me feel crazier but I don't feel good. so…. this sucks. My mom and sister seem to be doing well and im happy for them. But I'm constantly wondering if I can do this. I don't want to lose a lot of weight…I'm worried about what my social life will be like because usually when people get together they eat… and i loved that part!

two nights ago I woke up with horrible pain in both my arms. assuming its a detox thing. then yesterday I made myself get up and go to the grocery store with my mom and sister to get more fruit. I could hardly walk I had pains in my back, my legs, my arms.

I do feel a lot lighter. like im floating lol.

hmmm what else. oh yea so I decided to stop taking the 5 hour energy (i usually take half of one every morning … ) figured that could have a lot to do with my feeling overstimulated all the time and not sleeping good. So i didn't take it today.. have had a horrible migraine most of the day.

lots of complaining… i know i know.. definitely questioning this whole thing. feels more like i have some eating disorder right now. still haven't given up though..

I am so nauseas … i'm gonna go lay down.

~Alison

Amber: Day 6

The last two days have been weird.

Yesterday I was still sick with a cold type thing and had no appetite.

Today I felt alright. I had a good amount of energy and no appetite.
I like not having an appetite, because then I am not craving. At work they got pizza for everyone and normally I would be eating a LOT of pizza. I smelled it though and instead of being tempted with cravings, my mind was thinking about how pizza is horrible for you. I sat there next to everyone who was eating pizza...with my watermelon. It was awesome. Last time I tried 811...I craved so bad, so it's really an awesome feeling to be content and not have this emotional connection with food. I just eat when I'm hungry. When I say I have no appetite, I don't mean I don't get hungry. I do. My body has hunger pains but I just don't have a desire to eat. So when I start eating, I do enjoy the food I am eating, I just don't dig into it from the start like a crazy zombie...

Tonight has been hard. There is something I forgot to mention earlier and I should definitely bring it up. I am addicted to caffeine. I drink a 5-hour energy drink everyday. Half in the morning and half at noon. It takes away my depression and get's me going and it also gives me a lot of B12. I can't stand them though. I mean...I drink them to get rid of my depression but I also suffer from anxiety. The drink helps my depression but they make my anxiety SO BAD!! I know that I won't need to drink them anymore soon but last time I got off of them was right before I gave up on 811 before. I feel like with them I want to do what is right and get healthy, but when I got off of them I just got depressed and wanted to quit and not do anything. Well today and yesterday I drank only half of the energy drink in the morning and I am okay...so I am on them "less" which is good, but my sister got off of hers cold turkey. And guess what...she is thinking about giving up on 811 (she is not sure what to do). Which is depressing me :(. I hope that she will write about it herself, and I hope that she doesn't give up...but I am scared. I just don't want to see her in a bad state of mind again. I know 811 will cure our issues, and I want us to be happy together.

We always have these fun ideas to do together, but we are usually so tired all the time or not in a good mood. SICK OF IT. I am glad that I am starting to feel better though. I hope that I can be a good encouragement to my sister.

I need to exercise...I have been afraid to exercise because I can't eat enough yet, but then I was thinking...if I exercise, maybe it will help me eat more? As long as it won't make me lose weight though. That would be bad!

~Amber

Amber: Day 4

Woke up this morning feeling like I could attempt at work. When I got to work though I realized I had made a huge mistake. When you don't live close to work, it sucks to have to "drive" home when you are not well. I kept feeling like I had to sneeze and barely ended up sneezing. Felt loopy and always on the verge of blacking out :/.

I am not hungry which makes me not able to eat the regular amount of calories. So being that with 811 you have to eat more than normal, I'm having some issues. I can't afford to lose weight so I just hope my body starts asking for food soon so I can eat and not gag on it. LOL.

I'm glad I am back home so I can just lay down while my body gets over this nasty cold or whatever it is. I can't stand missing work though. I hope I don't lose my job over this lifestyle change but I would rather lose my job and feel great than keep my job and have anxiety and depression. Talk about being a robot!

I thought of a cool analogy today for detoxing (I doubt I'm the only one XD). Your body is like a room. Inside that room you put things in it. If you don't have the energy to put those things away, you push them off to the side or throw them in a closet so that until you get to really clean-up you get them out of the way so you don't trip over them. 811 comes along and gives you major energy, so all the sudden you are ready to clean up this huge mess you made that's hiding in the closet....so you open the doors and BAM everything falls on the floor and you are tripping on it all and your room is just worse than it was before you started cleaning. But you organize and really deep clean that room and after you are done it's sparkling clean and you got clean sheets on the bed and the windows can finally open to let in some clean air. So yeah, it looks worse before it looks better when you start that big of a project, but it's worth it. The people that let themselves go and end up dead....they are like hoarders, ignoring the piles they are tripping over and acting like they can't live without those killer items until they get boxed in and die. HORRIBLE BUT TRUE.

<3 Amber

hello day 4!

Alison writes:

These past few days have been hard. Today is my 4th day as a (high carb) low fat raw vegan. You may know it as the 80/10/10 diet. Before that I actually had gone 14 days without sweets (not including juicy fresh fruit of course) and also no meat or dairy.

Let me give you some background before i go on:

I've had major depression and social anxiety since as far back as i can remember (elementary school). More recently (10 years or so) I've also had OCD, paranoia, fatigue, and a pattern phobia [i'll list more issues at the bottom if you are interested]. I'm 23 now and only started looking to help for my "issues" when i was 18. Of course I wasn't too excited to start on my journey of finding the right drug for me. Since then I've tried many, and none worked. If they started to work for me, the side effects far outweighed the benefits. Taking drugs to treat the symptoms of my issues didn't seem right nor did it work... they give you pills for your first issue...then when you complain about side effects they give you pills for those side effects... people are on a lot of pills these days because of this!! (I did go to a psychologist as well for therapy. Let me know if you want my thoughts on that...) Eventually I gave up on the meds, I had tried so many and it had been a while since being off of them so i decided about 6 months ago to get off of them and see what it would be like :). Withdrawal sucked. But once that was over I felt like i had a clean slate... :) I had read a lot of different books while going through withdrawal and being in bed a lot. Lots of books about depression and anxiety ... some of those led me to book about how food and mood are related. which led me to book about various diets. I found out I had a sugar addiction from one book. books on sugar addiction led me to books on the food industry and the Standard American Diet (SAD). Those really got to me. finding out all the toxins we put into our bodies not realizing it. long story short: I eventually found the 80/10/10 diet to make the most sense. Its so simple! The problem is that its not the "norm" and people living this lifestyle are called extremists.... "3 Bananas?!?! weirdo!" but 3 pieces of pizza doesn't seem so crazy does it? If you haven't read the 80/10/10 diet by Dr. Douglas Graham, you should definitely read it ... even if you think it sounds crazy.. do it... I thought it was crazy when my sister told me about it. Didn't want to read the book because I thought it sounded so weird and couldn't be healthy choice! but I did eventually read it, and I'm glad I did. Even after reading though it took me a while to even think of trying the diet. anywhoo so here I am, giving it a try!

So here I am at day 4... still detoxing. It's been hard, so hard...to get the calories I need. I wake up early wishing to sleep in but i can't. My body feels like its over stimulated. my head hurts. I feel like i need to eat all the time but I don't want to. I'm constantly wondering how this lifestyle is possible. But I'm a strong person, I know what the benefits are and no matter how much i complain, you wont see me give up. I WILL give this diet/lifestyle a chance. I've gone through withdrawal before, i know how much it can suck... I also know how great it feels to get through it. :)

With that being said I'd love to share some good things i've noticed:

-since taking meat, dairy and sugar (sweets/desserts.. not including fruits!) out of my diet, my sex drive is back. I'm sure some of you may not be interested but for those who are, I missed my sex drive, I don't even remember the last time I felt like i had one! I've been with my current boyfriend for 9 months and things have been awesome with him since the beginning, but it's crazy that this past weekend I felt like we just started dating.. I didnt think I'd feel fireworks when kissing or holding hands since I was 16 haha... I thought that was just because I was young I dunno, but it's awesome to feel that again! and since going 80/10/10 its just been better and better (is it the 80/10/10 diet? or just that Im still off meat, dairy, and sugar? not sure! don't care! haha)

- I had bad psoriasis on my scalp which seems to be getting better every day.

- I'm thinking about going after my dreams of singing, getting back into rockclimbing, getting things done in general. I havent WANTED to do anything but sleep for a LONG time.

- I've lost 5 pounds within the past 2 weeks... probably water weight but im not going to complain! I'm not overweight but I had gained 13 pounds recently and would like to get back to my healthy 120lbs.

I know that isn't a whole long list but it IS just after 14 days of no dairy, meat, sugar and only 2 days of 80/10/10.

If you are interested in going off sugar for a week or two, I found something I wrote when i did this and thought maybe I'd share it:

I realize it's hard to say no to all the amazing tasting food. but thats just because we are addicted and we don't realize. "yea" you might think "im 'addicted' to food cause i love it and i want more and more. but im not addicted like i can't get off of it." but what you don't realize is that most of the food we eat in America has sugar added to it because the people who made it know it will get us to want more. they know if they add sugar, our bodies will then crave it. and we will have a sort of 'high' when we eat that amazing juicy hamburger.

I went off sugar for a week. to see if it affected me. I checked everything for sugar. I didn't eat sweets (cookies, candy bars etc) because that's just obvious. but i checked the box of everything and didn't eat out. no fast food. i tried to keep it under 5mg of sugar (for the whole day) since i knew it would be in so many things. even just doing that i felt my depression lifting. the first 2 days were hell… i was irritated, and got pissed off easily.. and thats not me. I usually don't let little things get to me.

If you think you might have social anxiety: I only recently found out my issue was social anxiety. I was diagnosed with Generalized anxiety disorder when I was 18 so i was getting help for that. But by reading lots of anxiety books I found out exactly what my problem was… social anxiety. This helps! knowing exactly what triggers your anxiety, can help you overcome your anxiety! So incase this can help I wanted to share with you a little about my social anxiety that I wrote November 2011:

(I have panic attacks when I go into public situations. I feel like people are staring at me even when they are not. like i am the center of attention. I feel like everything (even little things) are forms of performance and people are watching and criticizing me. for example, getting gas, buying groceries, sliding my credit card, pushing enter, signing my name, talking to the person at the register. I just feel like people are seeing that im uncomfortable doing all of those things and they want to see me fail, like shake, stumble my words, fall down, drop something. and that is just one example. so if that scares me, you can imagine how i feel about actually performing a talent in front of people or even one person. and that sucks because I really enjoy singing, acting, dancing, drumming. I think I'd go far with any of those talents if I could just get over my fear of people. and i was also so scared in school… I wish i could go back and have a normal life and be able to go to school like the other kids. it's hard to make friends when you are scared of them. I have really bad phone anxiety, I start to feel anxious still when the phone rings (even when i know i wont answer it). I couldn't keep a job because no one believed i had bad anxiety because im a pro at masking it. I smile a LOT. and ofcourse people take a smile to mean you are happy and comfortable. for me, they thought i was bubbly and should be working with customers. I wanted to have a job in the back, behind the scenes. I don't care if it is just stapling papers all day. I just don't want to answer the phone, or work on the register. But they would always want me there, working straight with the customer because i was "bubbly". So id quit. but i'd be too scared to talk to my manager about quitting so most of those places hate me for not telling them i quit and just never coming back. I don't blame them. but i feared these things more than death.

If you have anxiety and you can only read one book, PLEASE read "From Panic to Power" by Lucinda Bassett … this book helped me go from being scared about facing my fears to being excited to show my fears who's BOSS … yea ME! move out the way lol

If you have social anxiety and/or depression…I'd love to share list of books and just some thoughts/ideas to help you.. I'm still working on it myself but I have learned a lot and have lots to share :)

I realize this post was all over the place. Lots of things i wanted to share :D Since this is called the 811 adventure, I will end with something about that...

I tried blending 6 bananas today instead of just eating them. I found that I could only drink 4 bananas worth. I felt so nauseas just thinking about having to finish it. So from now on, I will just eat the fruit as it is lol. It helps to watch tv or something while eating... That is all!

till next time!

xoxo Alison

Detox

It's day "3" for me doing 811. (The 80/10/10 Diet)
I put it in quotes because on day 1, I binged at night on baked beans and corn chips. STUPID IDEA.
But yesterday and today I have been stuck at home with a sore throat and migraines. Sneezing and mucusy...sexy yes I know :p.
Is it detox or did I catch something that has been going around? I have no idea. I think it's what has been going around at work. But I have hope that it will go away sooner than normal as I have been eating really healthy. Being sick though, I haven't been so hungry so I am not happy with how much calories I have had. I feel that my body would rather work on my illness than work on digesting so much, so I'm eating but just not much.

I tried this diet a little while ago alone. I detoxed a bit and then felt amazing. Getting enough calories wasn't easy being that you eat SO MUCH FOOD on this diet, but my anxiety and depression went away, my hair felt amazing, my breath didn't smell, nor did I have to wear deodorant, I had a lot of energy and had courage to get out and go rock-climbing. (With my social anxiety also gone, I felt like I could do anything!). Why did I stop doing it? I was all alone, and living with my parents and sister, watching them eat the foods I liked, it was so stressful. I thought having just a little bit of bread would be okay...but then I would just have a little more of this and that till I was back to eating the S.A.D way (Standard American Diet). I regret it for sure. So quickly my health took a dive. My phobias were back, my anxiety was back, I had no energy, I was depressed...etc. I always thought though that one day I would get back to it because I knew it was the right thing. Eat to live...not live to eat right? It's so true.

So my sister decided she wanted to go for it. At first I just wanted to lay down and do nothing but then all the memories of when I did it before came back and I got super excited. My mom even is going for it too.

It only took me 1 week doing 100% on the 811 raw vegan diet to see those benefits, so I am really excited to see what it will do the longer I go on it. Reading the blogs and watching the videos from those who have been doing this for years is what gives me the most hope. This way of life is not an easy transition, but it is totally worth it. I'm 23...I shouldn't feel like I'm dying! Whatever diseases I have can be reversed by giving myself the raw materials it needs to fight the toxins and the krap sittin in there.

It's time to make a change....it's time to stop wishing, and start DOING. So here I go :D

~Amber