Amber: Day 6

The last two days have been weird.

Yesterday I was still sick with a cold type thing and had no appetite.

Today I felt alright. I had a good amount of energy and no appetite.
I like not having an appetite, because then I am not craving. At work they got pizza for everyone and normally I would be eating a LOT of pizza. I smelled it though and instead of being tempted with cravings, my mind was thinking about how pizza is horrible for you. I sat there next to everyone who was eating pizza...with my watermelon. It was awesome. Last time I tried 811...I craved so bad, so it's really an awesome feeling to be content and not have this emotional connection with food. I just eat when I'm hungry. When I say I have no appetite, I don't mean I don't get hungry. I do. My body has hunger pains but I just don't have a desire to eat. So when I start eating, I do enjoy the food I am eating, I just don't dig into it from the start like a crazy zombie...

Tonight has been hard. There is something I forgot to mention earlier and I should definitely bring it up. I am addicted to caffeine. I drink a 5-hour energy drink everyday. Half in the morning and half at noon. It takes away my depression and get's me going and it also gives me a lot of B12. I can't stand them though. I mean...I drink them to get rid of my depression but I also suffer from anxiety. The drink helps my depression but they make my anxiety SO BAD!! I know that I won't need to drink them anymore soon but last time I got off of them was right before I gave up on 811 before. I feel like with them I want to do what is right and get healthy, but when I got off of them I just got depressed and wanted to quit and not do anything. Well today and yesterday I drank only half of the energy drink in the morning and I am okay...so I am on them "less" which is good, but my sister got off of hers cold turkey. And guess what...she is thinking about giving up on 811 (she is not sure what to do). Which is depressing me :(. I hope that she will write about it herself, and I hope that she doesn't give up...but I am scared. I just don't want to see her in a bad state of mind again. I know 811 will cure our issues, and I want us to be happy together.

We always have these fun ideas to do together, but we are usually so tired all the time or not in a good mood. SICK OF IT. I am glad that I am starting to feel better though. I hope that I can be a good encouragement to my sister.

I need to exercise...I have been afraid to exercise because I can't eat enough yet, but then I was thinking...if I exercise, maybe it will help me eat more? As long as it won't make me lose weight though. That would be bad!

~Amber